One of the most interesting parts of the journey through the Redwoods occurred about half-way to Stout Grove. I had stopped at a huuuuuuge tree stump. There was a river-crossing a little farther down the road and I saw a van angled to a stop on the bridge. A couple was standing on the far side. I didn’t think anything of it until I was back in my car and driving past them. I stopped to ask if they were okay, and found out that in fact, their van had dropped its drive train. They had already contacted help and it was on the way.

I asked if they needed any water or food, as they had been waiting for awhile and would need to wait even longer for their rescue. The woman asked if I had any water, which I fished out of the back of my very packed car.

We started chatting about being in the Redwoods and the mystical, spiritual place that it is. They asked what I did to allow me to travel and work and I told them I was a writer, shamanic practitioner, and a writing coach. Turns out, the gentleman was also an author — 40 books published to date. He is also a biochemist, physicist, and herbalist. He opened Beltane Books in Seattle and wrote such books as “The Magical and Ritual Use of Herbs”. His most recent book is “The Modern Alchemist”. Read more about him at his website: www.richardalanmiller.com.
His partner, Marie Zancanaro is also an herbalist and a shamanic practitioner. She has developed a soap that when used, helps reduce or eliminate a person’s sensitivity to poison oak. We talked for about an hour, covering a wide range of topics from spirituality to herbs. Quite enlightening, and a wonderful couple to meet. I look forward to connecting with them again for more interesting conversations.

There are no coincidences!

Friday morning I had scheduled several coaching sessions, and so I set up my office in the hotel room. I realized immediately I needed to set up some systems in my organization. Times like these you appreciate routine.

However, once I was on the road, I settled back into the beauty of the drive. I had been advised by the information lady to take a dirt road to Stout Grove, a short drive that would reveal several 1500 year-old Redwoods. The road sloped into a canyon dropping me into a wonderland of gigantic beings, dripping with moss and rain, some so tall I could barely see their tops.

Here’s a video of one of the trees I stopped to view. This is my first video on this camera, so be forewarned. I have room for improvement . I took many more videos, but haven’t figured out how to rotate them for you to view them through YouTube. Again, I’ll keep improving on getting these in front of you.

The rain stopped just as I reached the Stout Grove hiking trail, which dropped me even further into the forest. The trees towered above, standing guard. The only sound I heard was the river in the distance. I was able to step inside the trunk of one tree that had its interior burned. It wrapped itself around me, protective and dry. I could feel the pulse of the tree as it surrounded me, a gentle, lulling sense of grounding.

The diameters of some of the trees in this grove were more than 20 feet, taking 7-9 adults to join hands around them. The fallen ones revealed the size of their roots, massive and shallow. I cannot imagine what it would be like to hear one fall.

As I made my way back to the car, the rain started again in ernest. Good timing, as I needed to get on the road if I were to get to my cousins that night at a decent time. Seven hours later, I pulled into their yard at 11:15 and went straight to bed. They had left things for me and had already gone to sleep.

A lot has happened in the past few days, despite my utter exhaustion. After weeks of moving and preparing for the trip, I hit the mental and physical wall after I reached my cousins Thoroughbred Ranch, in Elk Grove, CA.

But I get ahead of myself. Wednesday after several day’s delay, I hit I-5 south, not sure if I should just head down to June and Joe’s (my cousins) directly, or still go with my original plan to see the Redwoods. As I neared Corvallis, where I had lived for nearly 20 years, I was pulled to go to the coast via Waldport.

What I hadn’t thought about was that I would literally be driving past all of my former residences. It was as if I were shedding old energy, glimpsing familiar places that were now foreign, part of my memory, but no longer part of my life. The message I got was that in all cases, life moves on. And it’s not where you are that holds the key to life’s wonders; it’s how you look at where you are.

The last day of the move, as I was closing the door on the Raven Lodge for the last time, one of my spirit guides tapped me on the shoulder and said, “If you think this is good, wait til you see what’s next!” I thought about all the places I had lived and realized that every time, I was able to land in something better than the last, and all were beautiful. And so I left with a new perspective on the what might lie ahead.

The drive down the coast was beautiful, with sun pouring down on the dazzling water. There was a stiff breeze behind me, and just south of Florence, dark clouds appeared on the horizon. By Brookings, it was raining. By Crescent City, California, just outside the Redwoods, it was pouring. I found a hotel and after digging through my things to find what I needed, I set up camp for the evening.

I had taken a brief detour off 101 to drive through the edge of Jedediah Smith National Park as I approached Crescent City. After winding through increasingly dense forest, I was rewarded with a grove of the stately ancient ones. I’ve seen them before, but they always take my breath away when I see them again.

The trees are calling to me. I realized that on my drive, even before I came to these giants. They have a message for me that I am to discover on this journey. It’s time to find out what they have to say.

To let you all know, I’m having some trouble getting my videos from my Droid to my Mac. So, I’m sorry I don’t have anything yet for you. Soon, very soon .

M.

After much moving and getting all of my animals securely in their new temporary home, I hit the road yesterday. Still recovering from all of the changes, and getting organized in my packing. This is a note to say that I’ll be making some posts tomorrow to get up-to-date. Today, it’s off to the Redwoods to spend time with their incredible energy. More to come!

The realness of leaving the Lodge is starting to sink in. Today I awoke with all that I have to do, and with the realization that in less than two weeks I will be on the road to a new stage of my life.

Feeling sadness, with a touch of doubt about my choosing to leave for three months, I sat down to do my daily ritual of drawing a Sacred Path Card: The Discovery of Self Through Native Teachings.

Sacred Path Cards by Jamie Sams

I also have a new deck called Wisdom of the Hidden Realms by Colette Baron-Reid, a very beautiful set of cards that help bridge the worlds of the material and the spiritual.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms by Colette Baron-Reid

The question on my mind the past day or so was “why not just move into Portland instead of hitting the road?” The first card I drew was Painted Face, which speaks of self-expression, to use my creativity to express my feelings, talents, and desires.

Yesterday I taught the third day-long workshop in Shamanic Writing Level II, which is all about how to be creative and what to do with that creativity. One of the principles of my teaching is that creativity is healing as well as productive, which the card reading said in black and white. The card pointed to this time of allowing the Medicine of the Self to emerge, to offer the gift of my Medicine to others who may have need of my talents. The card went on to say that changing appearance, attitudes, and activities to match the healed me is called for at this time. It’s always amazing to me that the cards reflect exactly what is happening. I’ve been dying to the old in many ways, and leaving the Lodge seems to be another reflection of that in my life (read Shaman’s Death post for more on dying to the old).

Then I went to shuffle the Hidden Realms cards and saw at the bottom of the deck the Mapmaker of Destiny card. I thought to myself, now wouldn’t that be the card to draw. I shuffled thoroughly for about a minute, and lo and behold, that’s the card I drew!

The card reading says it’s a sign that I’m being given an opportunity to transform Fate into Destiny. A Map of Destiny shows all the places I’m meant to visit, places where I will be challenged to evolve into the highest aspects of the Self. Fate represents the events in my life that were meant to happen and that I can’t change. Fate is transformed into Destiny according to how I respond to my circumstances. Destiny offers me the ability to make great opportunities out of fated experience, so free will and choice are possible at certain points on my map.

Apparently, NOW is one of those times. I’m faced with a circumstance brought to me by Fate. How I respond will lead to my perfect Destiny. The Challenge is to face the things within me that must change in order for me to express my highest good.

No matter which form they take, all challenges and allies are perfect expressions of Fate inviting me into my Destiny. The final line of the reading: “Remember that Fate makes the map, but Destiny is determined by the manner in which I engage my journey.”

I wasn’t given the choice to leave the Lodge, but now that Fate has shown its cards, it is how I proceed that is leading to my Destiny. I just need to breathe and trust that all is being shown exactly when I need it.

Blessings on Your Path,

Marilyn

The sight before me was all too familiar. I had seen it years ago, before I had begun my shamanic studies. The head sliced from the body, attached only by a narrow piece of skin, the mouth opening and closing, gasping for air, eyes staring, seeking but not comprehending. Only a thin connection remained to what was left of the snake’s life, a single thread tenuously grasping on to what it knew just moments before. I watched as the unscathed and beautiful body stilled. I stood stunned, knowing I could never reverse the fatal damage I had inflicted.

The horror I felt was overwhelming, images flashing of the first time I had been witness to this ghastly scene of running over a snake with a mower. I felt queasy as a wave of nauseating energy swept through my body. It was as if my own throat had been cut, my own body dismembered, dying, with so much life left unlived. The pain, sorrow, and guilt that surfaced caused my body to tense, my mind to reel.

I ran from the scene, no longer able to bear the passing of life. Overwhelmed by emotion, I cried to the spirits, “Why?” An innocent life, ended so brutally. What kind of universe is it that something so cruel can happen, not once, but twice in my life? I was dizzy with anger, frustration, sadness, and disbelief. I stumbled to the front yard, dazed and confused, filled with rage and sorrow, so many unanswered questions swirling in my mind. What more could happen? What other challenges would I have to face before the seemingly unending series of failures that had happened in my life would stop?

I sat down on the bench overlooking the river in front of the Lodge and stared, unseeing, at the beautiful scene in front of me, a stark contrast to the death I had just witnessed. And as if in a movie where all the scenes pass on the screen at breakneck speed, images of my life’s struggles, the obstacles I had faced, the mistakes I had made, the choices I wished I could undo, swept through my mind. So many things had brought me to this point.

I took a deep breath, and my mind slowed. “It was a snake,” I said to myself. “I used to hate snakes. Why does its death feel so significant? What message am I supposed to be getting?” Then, very gently, a voice whispered in my ear. “There is a reason for everything. Remember what you asked for. Now is the time to live it.”

What I asked for? This was it? I couldn’t see the connection. I thought back to last year, as I was preparing for my fourth vision quest practicum, the last direction of the Medicine Wheel. North, the place of insight and wisdom – and perseverance. The final quest was to be a culmination of a journey, bringing together all that I had learned in the previous three years of seeking and understanding my path in the world.

I had asked for grace so that I would have a clear understanding of what I was writing about in my book, Stumbling Through Fear, Falling Into Grace. Be careful what you ask for. At the time of the snake’s death, I had just experienced my most heart-wrenching, difficult, and challenging year of my life. Time after time, I had been reminded to walk with grace as I faced each obstacle and loss.

As I sat wondering what the spirits were trying to show me by the severing of the snake’s head, I suddenly realized that being in grace meant accepting the unwanted, of dealing with pain with understanding and significance, to honor those things that were showing me the way, no matter how challenging or unwanted.

Gathering a candle and a few altar items, I went back to the snake in the back yard and helped its spirit pass to the light. I sat there for hours crying, letting my emotions spill out until there was nothing left.

And in that empty space, I heard another message: “You must die to the past. How you have been choosing no longer serves you. It is necessary to change all that is holding you back.”

Then I remembered one of the first Shamanic Journeys I had ever done years ago. It was a dismemberment journey, where my power animal, the snake, came to me and disassembled me to help me “re-member” my true self. The snake came directly to me and without any fanfare proceeded to bite off my head. Nothing else, just my head. He chewed it up and spit it out into a fire. From the fire, a whirlwind of the pieces formed a tornado, the force of the energy reforming my head into a bright light of iridescent colors. He then carefully replaced it onto my body.

At the time, I took the meaning to be of getting out of my head and back into my heart. As I sat there mourning the loss of the snake in my back yard, I realized that I hadn’t really done that. I was still letting my head lead the way, allowing fear to influence all of my choices. The snake’s death culminating a year of setbacks seemed to be amplifying the message. How I had been operating in the world wasn’t working. It took the severing of my power animal’s head to show me that.

That night, the summer breezes blew through my bedroom windows, gently rocking me into a deep sleep. The emotions of the day had exhausted me. In the middle of the night I heard my cats playing in the room. When I got up to use the bathroom and switched on the light, I saw that they had captured and killed a bat that had apparently flown in through the screen-less window.

Two deaths in a day. I felt horrible that it was taking the lives of these animals to show me life lessons. I immediately went to the Medicine Power book by Jamie Sams to read about the medicine of the bat.

What I found was that the bat symbolizes rebirth. How appropriate. The cycle must continue, first death to the old, then rebirth. The passage continued that the bat reflected the Shaman’s Death. In some cultures, the Shaman is put through a ritual so demeaning and difficult that some do not come through with their sanity intact. In order to heal and know what others are experiencing, the Shaman must know the shadow side as well as the light. The rituals they endure are called the Shaman’s Death.

I realized that I had been experiencing the Shaman’s Death for some time, in particular the past year. The choice I had was to fight it and continue to experience more of the same, or to embrace what the spirits were showing me and truly die to my old self, the self of fear; of making choices based on an external, egoic view; of worry and regret; of patterns and habits that were harmful. It was time to step into a new me, or rather, the true expression of me that has always been there, but hidden behind self-created masks and beliefs.

That day was a turning point. I saw a new fork on my path. I could choose to continue the patterns that had gotten me to this point, or I could begin to let go of what no longer served me, no matter how deep I needed to go to unravel their hold on me.

As I fell back to sleep, I felt a sense of relief and release. I thanked the spirits of the snake and bat for their sacrifice to help me see my path more clearly, and fell back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

As I was going through things in my packing to move, I ran across an old suitcase in the attic. I opened the rusted hinges to discover a treasure trove of items mostly from my high school and college days, but some from later. Old pictures, gifts from friends, my graduation certificate. Quite a walk down memory lane.

Amongst the treasures were several books, one of which was Accept This Gift: Selections from A Course in Miracles. The inscription was from a friend who didn’t sign their name, but dated it in March of 1989. I had no idea at the time what the Course in Miracles was, and don’t recall even reading any of the passages of the book. I picked it up and it opened to the page on “Teaching and Learning”. The words were never truer for me than right now. I’d like to share them with you…

Teaching and Learning

Listen silently
and learn the truth of what you really want.
No more than this will you be asked to learn.

There is no need to learn through pain.
And gentle lessons are acquired joyously,
and are remembered gladly.
What gives you happiness you want to learn
and not forget.

On your learning
depends the welfare of the world.

Everyone teaches,
and teaches all the time.
This is a responsibility you inevitably assume
the moment you accept any premise at all,
and no one can organize his life
without some thought system.
Once you have developed a thought system
of any kind,
you live by it and teach it.

The question is not whether you will teach,
for in that there is no choice.
The purpose of the course might be said
to provide you with a means of choosing
what you want to teach
on the basis of what you want to learn.

The course emphasizes that
to teach is to learn,
so that the teacher and the learner are the same.
It also emphasizes that teaching is a constant process.

Teaching and learning
are your greatest strengths now,
because they enable you to change your mind
and help others to change theirs.

Remember always that what you believe
you will teach.

“As you teach so will you learn.”
If that is true, and it is true indeed,
do not forget that what you teach
is teaching you.

What you teach you strengthen in yourself
because you are sharing it.

You will not see the light,
until you offer it to all your brothers.
As they take it from your hands,
so will you recognize it as your own.

Any situation must be to you
a chance to teach others what you are,
and what they are to you.
No more than that, but also never less.

Teach no one that he is
what you would not want to be.
Your brother is the mirror
in which you see th image of yourself.

Everything you teach you are learning.
Teach only love, and learn that love is yours
and you are love.

Teach only love,
for that is what you are.

Love to all,
Marilyn

A month or so ago, I was encouraged by my Horse as Teacher book series business partner, Kathy Pike, to call Beth Karish, a woman who helps clients play in the quantum field of possibilities.

Horse as Teacher: The Path to Authenticity

Horse as Teacher: The Path to Relationship

Kathy said that every time she had worked with Beth, she had received invaluable information for her next step on her path. I found that to be true for me as well.

In my session with Beth on the telephone, she used a combination of shamanism, quantum physics, Matrix Energetics, and intuition to help me see more clearly what had been rumbling around in my mind, but that I hadn’t gotten completely clear about. The question I brought to her was if we should do Book 3 of the series now, or wait.

After a few questions about what the first two books taught me and how I had gotten out of my flow, she asked me, “What if you re-awoke to the wonderment of the world?”

Well, that certainly evolved the conversation into something much larger than whether to do the book now or later. Beth shared that the image she was getting was of me standing on the edge of a cliff and Spirit whispering to me, “Jump!” and I say, “I can’t!”. Spirit says it again and I resist again. Finally, Spirit pushes me, and lo and behold I have wings and soar above the abyss.

She said, “You do better in the  unknown. You like it on the edge… That gets the passion going. So stop resisting, and jump!”

Beth nailed it on the head. What I realized was that I wasn’t afraid to jump into the unknown; I had been fearful of letting go of what I had built over the last 12 years, of not using my mastery of writing and helping people get published. More specifically, I had been stuck in a place of scarcity, that I would lose my income if I switched to doing Shamanism full time, or writing my own book, or…

Then it hit me, while I love helping others, and have based my life on the idea that you get everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want, I had forgotten to help ME! I’ve been putting my writing and message aside to help others, and that was taking away from expressing my genius and passion. Spirit had been giving me every opportunity to help myself, but I wasn’t seeing the support. I was stuck in scarcity, instead of gratitude and new possibilities.

There was a paradigm shift for me that day. I needed to manifest a way for me to share myself in ways that fulfilled me first. Only then will I be able to passionately help others in a way that really supports all of us. What a difference in perspective.

Last week, when I realized I’d be leaving the Raven Lodge, I was surprised by my acceptance of that reality. I thought I’d be devastated, but instead, I’m excited about the new possibilities. Beth was correct, I do better in the unknown. There is a new playground out there, and I get to explore it. How blessed am I?

What’s most fascinating is that ever since that logjam of letting go of what I thought was what I had to do broke open and I accepted the new direction, prosperity has been flowing my way. Money is showing up in ways I never dreamed it would. Little and big things every day are validating that the direction I’m going is right and true for me to follow my passion and share myself with the world.

I feel a vibrational resonance that I haven’t experienced for years. Obstacles are disappearing and the right person, thing, or understanding is coming to me exactly when needed. I’m back in the flow and loving every minute!

My greatest hope is that everyone is able to experience this feeling in their life. It truly is a great playground to play in!

From my heart,

Marilyn

So much has happened in the past two days. Not only am I moving from The Raven Lodge, but I found out yesterday that my space at Healing Waters & Sacred Spaces will not be available after the end of the month. My belief is that spirit is directing things, and this is another sign that dramatic change is meant to be for me at this time. I can resist the signs, or pay attention and go with the flow. I prefer the flow.

This morning I drew the Counting Coup card from the Sacred Path Cards: The Discovery of Self Through Native Teachings deck by Jamie Sams. The idea of Counting Coup has been skewed over history to mean scalping. This was not the way of the Native people, but came about from those who sought money from the wealthy settlers . Originally a way to honor the victory over an enemy or challenge, the traditional Native prizes were horses, weapons, Medicine Bundles and Medicine Shields. Scalps were not honorable prizes before the Europeans came here.

The Counting Coup card signifies Victory. Ironic, since it seems I’m actually losing a lot. But as I read on, it says that I have overcome a long-time challenge. To me, that is the shedding of old habits that no longer serve me, of changing long-held beliefs that hold me back.

The card represents “forward movement and the acknowledgment of right action. You have been true to yourself and are being rewarded for staying on The Sacred Path.” In dying to my old self, in changing my acceptance of my path, of letting go of trying to control what happens, I have been released. I feel a paradigm shift not like any I have experienced.

One of the basic tenets I’ve learned on The Shamanic Path is to look for signs that provide direction, understanding, and many times validation. That can be in the form of seeing a hawk and paying attention to what messages are coming my way. Or to see a heron and know that I must be focused and attentive. To read a card and understand a different perspective on what’s happening in my life. To have money come in unexpectedly, and in just the amount needed to move forward. Like breadcrumbs on a path, these signs lead to new views, new beliefs, and new cycles.

I woke this morning with excitement and realized that for the past year and a half, I’ve been waking with dread, not knowing what was coming next. Now that I’ve been released to a new adventure, I am energized. I’m ready to step off into the abyss and find a new landing. The signs are all there. It’s my role to pay attention to where they lead.

Aho!

Marilyn

Since the Raven Lodge has been on the market for almost a year, I’ve had some time to develop alternate plans should it sell. Last October when I drove from Texas to Oregon, I realized how much I enjoyed travel and adventure, and how infrequent my road trips had become. A few days before I had left for the trip, I had pulled out all of my journals from years past to review as I write my book. After I returned, I dove into reading them. Lo and behold, I read time and again how travel, photography, and writing about my journeys was what I hoped to do with my life. The pieces started to click into place.

I said then that if I had to move, I would sell as much of my belongings as possible, move the remainder into storage, and hit the road. I’m fortunate that my business is portable. As long as I have cell phone coverage and an internet connection (which is also through my cell plan), I can work from anywhere. As I’ve planned my route, I will be able to visit family, friends, and colleagues across the U.S.

What will I be writing about? Last week, I went to see a speech by Grandmother Agnes, one of the International Council of Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers.

The next night, I watched the movie that told of the origins of the Council, and showed the history and way of life of several of the women. Grandmother Aggie’s message is of the importance of water in our world, and how we need to join together to create a vision and be a voice for the voiceless — the earth and all its silent relations. This 86-year old, great-great grandmother is traveling the world, meeting with those who influence change and those who are making change happen. I was inspired by their vision and their energy.

Well, as things go, I realized that The Shamanic Path is not only a metaphor for my spiritual journey, but is also a way to view those things that we can change. On my journey, I would like to discover and visit sacred places, people, and actions that are supporting the message of the 13 Grandmothers, and then to document them in this blog, by pictures, by video, and to raise awareness about what we all need to do for us to alter the direction we are headed.

That’s why I’m excited about the changes that are happening. I’d love to stay here at the Lodge, but I feel deeply that I’m being called to do more. As I see more and more things falling into place and  the doorway opening to step through the threshold on a new journey, I am even more trusting that spirit is helping me see my path more clearly.

And that’s just what I’ve been asking for in my prayer tie ritual each morning: “I am grateful for your gifts, your guidance, and your protection. I ask for your help so that I can see my path more clearly, to remove all blocks, limitations, and fears, and to step forward with grace, ease, love, joy, and prosperity.” Even though it was not what I imagined, it’s all perfect!

So, join me on the adventure. I’ll keep you posted on progress.

Aho!

Marilyn