After Kelsey’s graduation and before Memorial Day, I squeezed in a trip to Arkansas to visit my good friend Timido. She had been trying for years to get me to come and visit her. In college, I had sold books door-to-door in Memphis, Tennessee and had spent quite a bit of that time in eastern Arkansas. I could remember no reason for me to be excited about visiting the state again.

However, I had never been to the northwestern part of the state, Fayetteville to be specific. What a surprise!

Thirty years ago, a friend of Timido’s had purchased 300 acres on the side of a mountain in the Ozarks. She had created a women’s community, putting the land in a trust. Timido was a member of the community, and envisioned her friends from the NW would join her someday. I was one of many targets.

I was smitten with the land. It is enchanting, peaceful, and beautiful. I awoke every morning and hiked for miles, exploring the rough roads and trails. I am one of those fortunate people who aren’t affected by bugs, and so despite walking in lush meadows and through forests, the chiggers and ticks stayed away. I was the envy of the other women.

As I prepared to leave to go back to Omaha on my way to South Dakota, I felt a deep longing to stay there in the beauty of the land. It was the first time I had felt that way about a place other than the NW in a very long time. Timido suggested that I consider becoming a member of the landholder’s group. She had arranged for me to meet as many women on the land as possible, but because several were gone, I would have to return if I were going to apply. One of the requirements of becoming a member is to have approval from all of the other members. I told her I would think about it.

On one of my many hikes around the land, I had seen an old shack sitting on a ledge above the road. Exploring what was left of the buildings, I looked out from the rickety deck. The trees had grown up in front of where I stood, but I could see that it was a stunning view. Rolling mountains, a beautiful valley below, and just beyond the road, I saw one of the ponds that had been built on the land. I felt at home and at peace.

On my drive back to Omaha, that piece of land kept calling me. I was so entranced, that I missed my exit and two hours later discovered I had been driving east, not north! That had never happened to me before on my many miles of driving. At first I was very mad at myself. It was already a ten hour drive, and I had just added four hours to it! However, something shifted in me that day. My spirit guides calmed me down, showing me the beauty of what was around me that I wouldn’t have seen if I had not gone the wrong way. They showed me that it was all in my perspective. I could be mad or I could enjoy what I was experiencing. Either way, I was already there and couldn’t change the circumstances. It was my choice to let the lower frequency energy overtake my joy. Or to be in a space of gratitude and self-forgiveness.

I looked around me as I drove through SW Missouri. There were rolling hills, with layers of green, under a beautiful sky with puffy clouds. It was really just about the most idyllic drive I had been on the entire trip. I was taking the back roads, so there was very little traffic. It was extraordinary.

I settled in to drive back to my road when my shamanic mentor, Jan Engels-Smith, called me to ask about some work she needed help with. I have never heard her be frustrated, but, as she said, she was having a hard time being in her joy at that moment. I chuckled, because I had just been in that same space only moments before. I told her what I had just done, and by the time we hung up, we were both laughing. One of Jan’s favorite sayings was “Choose joy in adversity.” Sometimes you just have to be reminded of what you already know.

By the time I reached Nebraska, I had a complete vision of what my house would look like on the land in Arkansas, where each room would be, and even what pictures would adorn the walls. For the next several weeks, I would fall asleep to the image and wake to the dream. I had never experienced anything like it. It felt like I had fallen in love.

I began to look at the possibility of returning to Arkansas to meet all of the women and really decide if that was where I was meant to be. Much of it would depend on how the Memorial Day Weekend shaped up, and if I was still going to be teaching a workshop in Colorado in June.

Monday, I was able to get in touch with PayPal and they credited my account while they investigate the charges. Lisa hired me for editing work and paid a retainer, so I visited the Dove Creek bank on my way out of town. As always, things seem to work out, even when we can’t imagine that it will.

No matter what happens in life, there is good in everything if we are just willing to look for it. If I hadn’t had financial trouble with PayPal, I wouldn’t have mentioned anything to Lisa, and I wouldn’t have had the learning I received and the breakthroughs I made. It’s all in how I accept what is happening. When the moment presents less than joy, I ask myself, “How can I expand in positive ways from what just happened? When I do that, when I really look at things from a 360-degree view, the perspective gives new insight and direction and joy returns so much more quickly.

This trip has been an enormous help in teaching me to be in the moment. On a road trip, there are so many possible choices. It’s like the picture in M.A.S.H. where there are road signs with mileages pointing in every direction. Go here. Go there. What to choose? The unknown can be scary, or extremely exhilarating – or both.

There have been so many instances where, really, there is nothing I can do but to breathe, wait a few moments, and allow the next moment to see where I will move next. As I stay in that place of acceptance of what is, I feel myself following my inner knowing with more ease and joy.

I have always operated better on the edge. I understand now that the edge is the moment. Taking a leap of faith is balancing where you are at that edge of acceptance with forward movement into the unknown, trusting that the bridge will come to meet me. I don’t have to worry about finding or building it, or try to control how it is accomplished. The support is there; I just need to create the image of it in my mind and it will be there when I need it.

I left Vista Caballo and traveled north through a beautiful series of canyons and mesas, paralleling the Delores River for a long distance, climbing steadily to Grand Junction. Picking up the Interstate, I headed east toward Denver to visit my niece Christina and her fiancé, Justin for two days.

The realness of leaving the Lodge is starting to sink in. Today I awoke with all that I have to do, and with the realization that in less than two weeks I will be on the road to a new stage of my life.

Feeling sadness, with a touch of doubt about my choosing to leave for three months, I sat down to do my daily ritual of drawing a Sacred Path Card: The Discovery of Self Through Native Teachings.

Sacred Path Cards by Jamie Sams

I also have a new deck called Wisdom of the Hidden Realms by Colette Baron-Reid, a very beautiful set of cards that help bridge the worlds of the material and the spiritual.

Wisdom of the Hidden Realms by Colette Baron-Reid

The question on my mind the past day or so was “why not just move into Portland instead of hitting the road?” The first card I drew was Painted Face, which speaks of self-expression, to use my creativity to express my feelings, talents, and desires.

Yesterday I taught the third day-long workshop in Shamanic Writing Level II, which is all about how to be creative and what to do with that creativity. One of the principles of my teaching is that creativity is healing as well as productive, which the card reading said in black and white. The card pointed to this time of allowing the Medicine of the Self to emerge, to offer the gift of my Medicine to others who may have need of my talents. The card went on to say that changing appearance, attitudes, and activities to match the healed me is called for at this time. It’s always amazing to me that the cards reflect exactly what is happening. I’ve been dying to the old in many ways, and leaving the Lodge seems to be another reflection of that in my life (read Shaman’s Death post for more on dying to the old).

Then I went to shuffle the Hidden Realms cards and saw at the bottom of the deck the Mapmaker of Destiny card. I thought to myself, now wouldn’t that be the card to draw. I shuffled thoroughly for about a minute, and lo and behold, that’s the card I drew!

The card reading says it’s a sign that I’m being given an opportunity to transform Fate into Destiny. A Map of Destiny shows all the places I’m meant to visit, places where I will be challenged to evolve into the highest aspects of the Self. Fate represents the events in my life that were meant to happen and that I can’t change. Fate is transformed into Destiny according to how I respond to my circumstances. Destiny offers me the ability to make great opportunities out of fated experience, so free will and choice are possible at certain points on my map.

Apparently, NOW is one of those times. I’m faced with a circumstance brought to me by Fate. How I respond will lead to my perfect Destiny. The Challenge is to face the things within me that must change in order for me to express my highest good.

No matter which form they take, all challenges and allies are perfect expressions of Fate inviting me into my Destiny. The final line of the reading: “Remember that Fate makes the map, but Destiny is determined by the manner in which I engage my journey.”

I wasn’t given the choice to leave the Lodge, but now that Fate has shown its cards, it is how I proceed that is leading to my Destiny. I just need to breathe and trust that all is being shown exactly when I need it.

Blessings on Your Path,

Marilyn