At Vista Caballo, I finally had a chance to catch up with myself, both physically and emotionally. When I made the final inspection of the Raven Lodge prior to leaving Oregon, as I locked the door for the last time, I looked at the beautiful space that I was fortunate to have lived in, saddened that I had to leave. It was then that my spirit guide whispered in my ear, “If you think this is beautiful, wait until you see what’s coming!”

From that moment until I reached Colorado, I had almost no thought or emotion about having to leave the Lodge. When I realized that fact at Lisa’s ranch, at first I thought that I must be in denial; how could I not have grief? Then, I thought that maybe that had all settled in my body instead and that was why I had gotten sick. But truthfully, neither seemed true for me.

What I began to understand was that I feel a deep trust that everything is happening for a very specific reason. My soul is directing this journey – both my life and this road trip. My spirits are supporting me. This trip has been an opportunity to revisit my path and based on that view, start to look to a new direction. Once I had a chance to catch up and breathe, I could see much more clearly that everything along the road has been a reminder of what I love – and what I’m capable of.

What I hadn’t been able to do because of either weather or being sick was to hike. Lisa’s conversation with me the previous day had spurred my thoughts and hiking is how I work through things. Lisa and Jess encouraged me to explore their land, explaining where the boundaries were, so off I went. Their property rises from their buildings up to a small rise where there is a 360 degree view with three separate mountain ranges: the Ute Mountain range to the southeast; the Abajo range to the west; and the La Sal Mountains to the northwest.

Abajo Mountain Range

La Sal Mountain Range

Ute Mountain Range

I followed the dirt road to the top where Jess is building the third cabin. I stopped at the few ancient piñon pine trees along the way. There are very few trees on the mesa; mostly there is sagebrush and red dirt, great land for range riding. I sat for a few minutes in the space they have created under the trees, but the cold wind was blowing directly at me. I didn’t want to cause a relapse of a cold, so decided to keep moving.

When I reached the cabin I saw why they chose the location. The cabin’s back deck faces the Ute Mountain range, while its front window takes in the La Sals. From the loft you can see the Abajo range. Knowing Jess’s building skills, when this cabin is finished, it will be cozy and beautiful.

After leaving the cabin, I walked for a distance east until I came to a fence line. The spring snow melt had caused their seasonal creek to overflow and I could hear the rush of the water below. I followed the fence line to a corner intersection of three fences and crossed over the east/west line to continue. I was reminded of when I helped my dad build fences on the farm in South Dakota, the corner junctions being critical to the sturdiness of all the lines that emanate from that point. Each fence line disappeared into the distance. Although their end point was unknown to me, I knew that each had a specific and meaningful intention, much like my soul’s journey.

I found a place to cross without having to climb over the barbed wire, and within a few feet I looked down to see Lisa and Jess’s dog chewing on something and realized it was the horns of a very large animal. At first I thought it was an elk, but on closer inspection, it was a deer. I’m not a hunter, so don’t know how many points the rack was, but it was intact and whole, including the skull. In fact, the entire skeleton was there. I had hoped to find a full rack for years, so I hoisted it onto my back, the skull resting on my shoulders and the rack encompassing my head.

Deer Rack and Skull

I picked up the sound of the rushing water again and began to follow it back to the ranch. As I came over the rise, I saw the sun begin to set on the Abajo range, in colors of purple, orange, and pink, a beautiful backdrop to the ranch buildings. It was in that moment that I had a huge insight.

Vista Caballo Sunset

That morning, Lisa had come to me and said she had a realization after our conversation about prosperity. I had shared with her my belief that prosperity is a measurement; abundance is a mindset. I feel truly abundant in my life, despite not always being financially prosperous. My ego wants to focus on the prosperity, my soul on the abundance. There is a huge misconception that in order to be spiritual, you must be without prosperity. I don’t believe that. However, it is necessary to have balance between the two.

When she first saw me that day, she said she had been reminded of the image of a Buddhist monk, who carries with them the robes they are wearing and a bowl, trusting that everything will be provided for them; and it always is. She suggested that perhaps that was my way to be in this life. To have an abundant mindset is to trust.

We also talked about what I was doing with my genius, that part of me that is there to fulfill my purpose in life. While my original reason for doing a road trip seemed to be for the experience, I was finding out that it is much more. It has been a chance for new perspectives on life, to experience joy in adversity, to reflect back and see where I have been in order to look forward to what is to come.

Lisa had also asked me at one point what was keeping me from having everything in life that I wanted, since I had so much talent and ability. Why wasn’t I going for it?

In my aha moment, I realized that I have been afraid to put everything on the line because the last time I did that for the restaurant, it had been a financial failure, although in so many other ways it was the most amazing experience for me, my employees, and my customers.

I hadn’t jumped off the edge again because I feared that it would be the same financial outcome. I’ve been overwhelmed with the idea of having to gather my energy and resources, just to have it fail.

It occurred to me, whether I did or did not pursue my next inspiration, I was creating the same result – financial struggle. Staying safe hadn’t produced any better results than trying something new and different. If that were the case, why wasn’t I taking the next leap of faith? Wouldn’t it be better for me to jump and see where I landed, than to play it safe, since the outcome of the latter hadn’t been any better than the former?

Excited about what I had just realized, I quickened my pace to return to the cabin and write down my thoughts.

As I approached the barn, it occurred to me that there would be no way to put the deer rack into my car. It was huge and unwieldy. I decided to let Jess and Lisa determine its final resting spot. Short of putting it on the hood of my car, it just wouldn’t travel very well in my packed car.

I realized then that the rack of horns was a metaphor for my life. I’d been looking for this thing for a long time, and when I finally found it, I had too much other stuff keeping me from having it. I’ve been seeking inspiration, and instead of making it happen, I have allowed other stuff to keep me from living it. There was that theme again: I must die to the old way of thinking in order to bring in what truly fills me. It is time to start living big.